Let’s get this out in the open-if you did NOT have a natural birth, I will NOT be condemning you! Everyone has a reason for their decision and this is usually a topic that is thought about for oh…9-10 months!

With that being said, I chose a natural birth (both times, I know I’m crazy).

Confession #1 it was EXTREMELY painful!

I think the entire hospital could hear me yelling…both deliveries. I chose the whirlpool option in the hospital. It was very relaxing and calming, but when it was time to get out, the contractions came 10-fold! I was not expecting that (nor had anyone warned me like I am you).

Confession #2 I am sure I pooped in the doctors face, and I did not care.

To be honest, I was in so much pain, that I did not care who was looking at my hoo-ha!

Confession #3 I needed my mommy!

I was 28 years old when Claire was born and I have no clue how I would have survived without my mom by my side. She held my hand, said all of the rights things, and even threatened to kick out my drunk ex-husband if I wanted her too. She is my rock. I am telling you this because you need not worry about what other people think. You need to have that one person in the room with you that will be your rock. Your voice.

Confession #4 I tore during my 1st delivery

I suffered a perineal laceration.Even though my daughter was only 5 lbs 13 ounces, somehow I tore. The doctor didn’t even tell me. I had no clue until several hours later when they were telling me about post care that I have received 3 stitches down there! The second delivery I was so nervous that I was going to tear again since I had already, but surprisingly I did not.

My SECRET confession: I had complications. Both times. And now I can not have any more children.

Not many people know this. Not even my close friends. After Claire was born I was still laying on the table. The doctor kept digging and pulling what looked like raw hamburger out of me! Let me remind you that I did not have any medication in my system. When I asked for some (more like begged), he said that it was too late and it was imperative that we get the remainder of the placenta out as soon as possible so that it does not cause infection. I had to take antibiotics afterward just in case pieces remained. At my post gyno appointment, two weeks after deliver, my doctor told me that my placenta fell apart because my daughter has a genetic disorder and that it would not happen again.

She was wrong!

Baby #2 was a repeat, but WORSE! Not only did the placenta fall apart again, but it had started to grow into my uterus. Again, I was un-medicated. This time the doctor could not just go elbow deep and pull it out. He had to get a special tool, that looked like a pumpkin carving tool, to cut it away from the uterus and then pull it out. The pain was so excruciating I started to shake uncontrollably and the nurses had to put several warm blankets on me. When it was all said and done the doctor said “You should not have anymore children. Most likely you, the baby, or both would not survive”.

Therefore, I had my tubes tied. It was a tearful, but necessary experience. I could not risk my life for a baby I didn’t have, when I have two amazing little girls who need me.

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